One of the major concerns of a married couple is how to make their marriage work after having kids. Our society unfortunately frowns upon these kinds of discussions if they were to happen between family members and is considered better to be wrapped up. Bottled up emotions and questions are harmful in the long run, so how can one find out how to manage sustaining a marriage when there are small children in the equation? We at Beiruting Kids have brought to you 3 simple but efficient tips that once applied, can shift the tides from too much stress all the time to scheduled outlets for emotions and wellbeing.
1. Moms must reduce their mom guilt. Think about when you go out with friends to watch a movie, grab a coffee or enjoy the occasional drink. What is usually on the back of your mind? It is how leaving your children at home makes you less of a good mother, right? This is what is labeled as mom guilt. Let go of that feeling and of the constant thrive to “be there” and to be perfect as a parent. One of our roles as parents is to allow our children to grow into independent beings, and as long as we are nurturing them and feeding their confidence there is no need for that extra guilt we carry around with us. Once we focus less on parenting, we start to focus more on our marriage.
2. If you are able to, reduce the time you spend during the day with your kids. This doesn’t mean what you think it means, and in no way is this encouraging absent parenting. It means that the less contact you have with them during the day, the more energy you will invest in parenting in the limited time you have with them. It is also essential for your wellbeing and mental health as a woman to find time to think and reflect on your own. If you are able to find a job outside the home whether part time or full time it definitely helps create that distance. If you can enroll them in daycare and be about your business during the day it is also a great idea. However too much one on one time eventually drives the most loving mother to madness. Keep a bit of distance so you are reminded who you are as a woman and therefore as a wife.
3. Make every night a date night. Set a clear bedtime routine and schedule so you can know in advance that you have a solid 3 or 4 hours with your spouse before sleeping. That time if consistent will become something you look forward to each day, as a time to share events that happened, anecdotes, vent or even sit together and enjoy your favorite TV show. These simple things are in fact what date nights aim to be ultimately, and because we all are aware of how difficult it is to leave the house at night and keep the kids with relatives or nannies, we can now create our own nightly date time. These calm intimate moments that are shared restore daily the basis of your marriage and keep it strong.
Although some issues raised in these tips might be considered taboo or indicating of a less than perfect mother, but the key issue here is for a marriage to work with neither sides harboring resentment towards the other. Once a mother takes care of herself, finds her core as a woman and schedules house routines, there is time and energy for a marriage to flourish and this healthy relationship will reflect positively on the children.